Dreams of an Insomniac

Well, it's been months, many sleepless nights, endless pondering, some tears, lots of stress, and only one decision that needed to be made. I think I've made my decision. Think, being the key word in that sentence. I have felt torn between two things that are both good. It is not always easy to choose between right and wrong, but it is nearly impossible to choose between good and good. I've been trusting that God would show me the way, and though I don't know that I'm 100% decided, I do know that I feel that I'm being lead towards one of those paths. God has truly taken the burden of my decision, and I'm still trusting Him to shut that door if it isn't the one He wants me taking. I'm a little scared that some people will be disappointed, but if I know that I'm doing the right thing, then nothing else really matters. I feel like a very mean person for not posting here what my decision is, but until I know if I'm for sure going, or for sure staying I'm not going to tell. I'll post as soon as I'm sure(which knowing me, could be Jan. 7th. which is the day I have to be in Pullman if I'm going to return) :) Please continue to pray.

2008

2008

I can hardly believe that the year is almost over. Every year we seem to think that the current year has passed faster than the previous year, and yet time continues on as it always has. As I get older I appreciate more and more the time we have. Time to serve and glorify our Lord, time to serve and love one another.

This year has been one of much adventure, fun, growth, and learning.

Becky and I on our way to the store.....good times.

God again has blessed me with the presence of my incredible roommate Becky. She has been so patient and kind, such a willing friend, and the most encouraging person in my life. She has always been available to listen to me, even when we both know I'm not being logical. She puts up with my crazy adventures and ideas. I couldn't be more thankful for this incredible person that God has created. A child of His that I've had the opportunity to know.

Tre, Maggie and I

I was able to continue on in the most fun job I've ever had. Being a nanny is not only a great experience, it has given me the ability to get to know two very complex little beings. I love these kids, and I'm glad that God sent me to their family. What a gift.

I can't believe how much God has given to me this year. He has been very generous in his dealings with me. This definitely hasn't been the easiest year of my life, but God has shown me His presence in ways I had never noticed before. He has shown me areas of my life that needed to change, and then helped me to remove those idols. I've failed in ways I didn't know I could, but I always knew that God was showing me something through my sinful stupidity.

Getting Heidi ready

God allowed me to see my beautiful cousin Heidi marry an incredible, godly man. I'm so thankful and glad that I got to be a part of that.

Chelsea's car at the scene

God also took two of my favorite people to heaven this year. Through it all I have seen God work, and felt His presence in my life in ways I couldn't have expected. I've never felt more at peace then I do about Chelsea's death. I haven't questioned for one second God's control of all situations, including these. I'm so glad that God brought her into my life, and even though it feels like she had her life cut short it isn't true. She is in Heaven......I'll just have to wait a while to see her again. I definitely miss her.

My dear grandfather was an incredible man, who leaves behind him a legacy of godly children and grandchildren. I hope I can be remembered as he was. I'm so thankful that God placed me in his family, but even more thankful that I will see my grandfather again one day.

At my grandfathers funeral we each got to put a handful of dirt onto the casket.

In October I was able to go hunting with my dad, brothers and sisters. We had a wonderful time, and I got to see all kinds of incredible scenery. It was so much fun to be in the mountains and have time to be away from civilization and our normal routines. I'm so thankful for those two weeks.

Up hunting I got to see the sunset behind Mt. Rainier every night....It was incredible every time.

I had one of the most memorable summers of my life. I got to go and do things most people will never get the chance to do. It was awesome seeing God provide a way to Europe for me, and then being able to see His work being done in all of these countries. We were able to hear stories and be encouraged. I think I gained more then I left behind. What can I say? I do not deserve all that God has sent my way.

In front of Bojnice Castle in Slovakia.

Slovakia was a time of encouragement and fun. Being with the church family was one of the highlights of my summer.

I could not have asked for a better team. Our ability to work together and get along was uncanny. It was a gift from God that I got to spend time with these awesome brothers and sisters.

Maggie and I reading the twilight Saga.....we had way to much fun together.

God has also given me time with the kids in my youth group. Time to get to know them, and also allow them to know me. I have been told that spending time with middle school aged kids isn't easy, but I have found otherwise. I have realized this year what a gift it is to be with these kids. They are so impressionable, yet eager to learn and do what is right. They have taught me a lot, and challenged me in ways they couldn't even understand.

I was able to stay with a few different of these families while their parents were out of town. Maggie and I(picture above) found many ways to spend our 10 days together, but mostly we just had undescribable fun. I was blessed by getting to know those kids on a different level. I've also been able to host numerous girly sleep overs, and I've realized what a blessing it is to be single and living on my own. There is nothing stopping me from opening up my apartment to these kids.

Tre and I one morning with a beautiful sunrise.

I can't believe what a blessed life I have. Not only do we not deserve all that is provided for us, we don't deserve the sacrifice He made on our behalf by sending us His son. I pray that in 2009 I am able to glorify God with my life, and that I will continue to grow and change for His glory.

One of my favorite pictures of my brother Tim. This was taken opening morning of hunting season.

Thursday

I was driving to work this morning at 5:45 and saw the most incredible moon. It was nearly full and there was a thin layer of clouds illuminated by the bright reflection. I just sat in my car for 10 minutes and stared at it before I went into work. I am so thankful that I had that time just to appreciate God's creation and thank Him.

I know I haven't posted much lately. A lot has been going on with my grandfathers funeral, and I was house sitting for three different families over the Thanksgiving holiday. I was staying all last week with Maggie P, a girl from my youth group, while her parents were in Costa Rica. We had the most amazing time together, and I must admit that I miss hanging out with her this week. I'm thankful that my world is finally getting back to somewhat of a "normal" routine.

I have a few pictures I'll try to get up here soon. Nothing to exciting but pictures from this and that.

A Strange Sort of Day

I'm in a strange sort of mindset today. One where all you think you can do is listen to music and dialogue with ones self. I have felt very little need for interaction today, which is strange for an extrovert like me. I spent hours sitting in a coffee shop writing in my journal and reading a few different books. I think that the other people were confused at what I was doing since I sat there for so long going back and forth between writing in my journal and reading my books. I'm sure it looked strange. I was so focused, yet distracted by my need to just spend time alone. I contemplated life, hard work, school, all the while listening to some really good music.
I couldn't stop thinking about the fact that my life is cruising by and I'm just waiting for something to change. I'm not sure what I'm waiting for, but I must be waiting for something since I'm not moving forward with my goals and ambitions. I'm definitely happy right now, and I love living in Yakima, but I think I'm limiting myself. I don't want to be someone that gets stuck not because they have to be, but because they allow themselves to be. I am not a lazy person, and I know that I can accomplish anything, yet I can't seem to find the necessary motivation or peace to proceed forward. This is so unlike me I can hardly process my thoughts. Decisions are always stressful for me, but I don't want to compact that by making a poor decision. I want to make the decision that is pleasing to my God. I want to truly be in submission to His will. But am I? Is not being in School where God wants me? How come I don't have peace about ANY of my options? I don't know if I'm supposed to stay here, but I also don't know if I'm supposed to be back at WSU. It is definitely hard to think of anything else with all these things bouncing around in my head. What to do, what to do.

Twilight

I wasn't a fan. Yet, I was convinced by three very convincing girls to go with them to see the movie. I was very apprehensive, especially considering my absolute abhorrence of scary movies. However, I went and actually enjoyed the movie. Yes, even I was drawn to the creepy, pale, yet somehow handsome Edward and the beautiful, strange, and slightly crazy Bella. I liked the movie. Although it isn't an Oscar contender it does hit a nerve with the romantic types. I mean what girl doesn't want to have some guy so drawn to her that he is willing to expose what he really is to save her life? Every girl wants a handsome guy to be protecting her, someone to stand up for her.
The movie is no doubt a ploy to get every person who watched the movie without reading the books to run to their nearest Borders or Barnes and Noble with the intention of buying and reading all four books in the next five days without putting them down. I wont knock it though, even I must admit that reading the books doesn't sound as painful as it did a few days ago. I guess even I'm a sucker for cheesy, vampirey, teen romances.....
But, even though I liked the movie one thing bothers me. Now, I know that I can't expect Hollywood to uphold my Christian beliefs, but for some reason I'm a little disappointed in their portrayal of this teen romance. I'm not against teens dating but I do worry that every girl's ideal of the perfect guy might be tainted by the dangerous, handsome, yet again creepy Edward. Sure, its a movie, but I know from spending time with lots of young teens that these girls do emulate what they see in movies. Where else could they possibly learn about the does and don'ts of dating(unless, of course, parents really do their job). They want an ending like in Twilight. These girls want or think the want a guy with whom they are "unconditionally and irrevocably in love".
Yet, These teens aren't just falling in love. They are talking about forever, and not a marriage sort of forever. She was ready for forever even before she really knew Edward. Even before she had spent much time with him she was "in love". Is that what I want my 12 yr. old Maggie thinking is the proper course of action? Fall in love first, figure out if you like the guy second? No, but then there is another question. Am I reading into nothing? Am I trying to find a reason to not recommend this film to my young friends? Honestly, I'm not sure. I have so many teen girls around me that it makes that last question a little hard to answer. The movie was entertaining and I'm glad I was able to see it, but these are still very impressionable girls. Is my recommendation of this film in their best interest? I guess it depends on the girl but it's a hard question to answer.........