ME

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Chevy Chase, Maryland, United States
I left my family, my friends, my comfort zone and moved across the country. I'm learning to love and rely on God in a whole new way.

Monday, December 8, 2008

A Strange Sort of Day

I'm in a strange sort of mindset today. One where all you think you can do is listen to music and dialogue with ones self. I have felt very little need for interaction today, which is strange for an extrovert like me. I spent hours sitting in a coffee shop writing in my journal and reading a few different books. I think that the other people were confused at what I was doing since I sat there for so long going back and forth between writing in my journal and reading my books. I'm sure it looked strange. I was so focused, yet distracted by my need to just spend time alone. I contemplated life, hard work, school, all the while listening to some really good music.
I couldn't stop thinking about the fact that my life is cruising by and I'm just waiting for something to change. I'm not sure what I'm waiting for, but I must be waiting for something since I'm not moving forward with my goals and ambitions. I'm definitely happy right now, and I love living in Yakima, but I think I'm limiting myself. I don't want to be someone that gets stuck not because they have to be, but because they allow themselves to be. I am not a lazy person, and I know that I can accomplish anything, yet I can't seem to find the necessary motivation or peace to proceed forward. This is so unlike me I can hardly process my thoughts. Decisions are always stressful for me, but I don't want to compact that by making a poor decision. I want to make the decision that is pleasing to my God. I want to truly be in submission to His will. But am I? Is not being in School where God wants me? How come I don't have peace about ANY of my options? I don't know if I'm supposed to stay here, but I also don't know if I'm supposed to be back at WSU. It is definitely hard to think of anything else with all these things bouncing around in my head. What to do, what to do.

2 comments:

  1. Thinking of you and praying for you Care.

    sarah

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  2. we love you carrie. come and visit! ~heid

    ReplyDelete