A LONG time!

Wow, time flies right by! These last three weeks have been really busy, but fun and exciting. I have nothing smart, witty, or exciting to say today....but I will think of something soon.

I had a rather sad thought today. This weekend will most likely be Molly's last basketball game ever. I love basketball, and I love watching Molly play....so that makes me sort of sad. It is weird to think that she is my last sister in high school, so even though I'll get to watch Kurt and Brian play it just isn't the same as watching my sisters. I'm excited for Molly. She will have an awesome time at WSU next year, and I imagine that she will kick butt in intramurals.

This was in Venezuela....riding to one of our clinics....
Well, that is all I have for now, but I will try to update soon.

Venezuela

I was looking through my Venezuela pictures tonight. I was taken back to a wonderful time spent with my sister, and an amazing time showing God's love to so many children. Here are a few pictures. I was struck tonight by the beauty of the South American people. What a great experience. All of these pictures were from the 2007 trip.

These pictures were so fun to look through. So many incredible times.

It was such a pleasure getting to take my little sis along the second time. She was a joy to have on our team. She was more of an asset then we could have ever expected. I love her so much, and it took a trip around the world to see what an incredible human God had made.

Craft time

Jaireh was one of the kids we spent a lot of time with. She was over at the pastors house often.

WARNING! These Next photo's are Gross.

I just found these photos of my spider bitten, horribly infected legs. I didn't even realize I had these pictures. I find it so funny how quickly I forgot how bad my legs were. I remember the pain, and I remember what I was thinking, but I had forgotten how bad they really looked. The pictures don't really do it justice, but they were example enough. I didn't let people take pictures of my legs because they looked so bad, but I guess there were a few. I'm so thankful that I made it back safely and that my legs healed. Even now nearly two years later just looking at the pictures make my legs ache, and if the pictures aren't enough, I still have some wonderful scars to remind me. We joked around that they are "the scars of the gospel"....that is a bit of an exaggeration, but I'm so thankful that God protected me. I hate spiders.

The first day they started to swell. These two pictures were taken the day that everyone prayed for me on the drive off the mountain. Although I was in terrible pain, having everyone pray over me was an incredible experience.

The next two pictures are side by sides of the same leg, but a few days apart. The last photo was right after we had landed in the U.S. It isn't very focused, but I don't think it matters....what you see is enough. The photos aren't that great....but I think they are interesting.

Not Again

So, none of my blogs have been very upbeat lately. Unfortunately, neither is this one. A girl that used to worked at my parents restaurants died this past weekend from a drug overdose. The news was shockingly sad for me. I'm a sensitive person, so hearing things like that automatically cuts straight to my core, but what brought on the tears was the fact that she had a three year old son. This child will never know his mom. He will have to live his whole life with the knowledge that she died of a drug overdose. And, who knows what sort of life he will have now that both of his parents are gone. As hard as it is to believe that she is actually gone, it is almost harder for me to imagine the life of this child. It is definitely a different type of pain then any of my other friends that have died since I know that she didn't believe that there was a God. When Chelsea died I was secure in the fact that she was in Heaven, so this is so different. Today I have taken to praying for the child, Jaedyn. I know that God can change his life. We don't know all that God could have planned for that little life. He is still here and I know that situations like these can definitely be used for God's glory.

When I picked Tre and Maggie up from school yesterday I told them what had happened. And although this situation is not funny at all, Tre's response was. He said, "Carrie, your friends die a lot". I wanted to deny that statement, but I couldn't. Although very few of my friends have died, to a 9 year having 3 people die in a 4 month period is probably a lot. I was thankful for his statement though, because it reminded me again how precious life is. We don't know when anyone will die. I am so thankful for the time I have, and I pray for my friends and family that don't know of the saving blood of Christ.

One day at a time

I'm up tonight. I can't sleep. I have to work early tomorrow morning. My alarm is set for 4:45. I hate when I can't fall asleep the night before I have to work. I'm sure if I didn't think about it I would fall asleep quickly, but because I'm trying to fall asleep my mind runs over everything that has happened in the past week, or so.

I reread my Europe journal, and went through this blog and read some of the things I posted while I was away. It is funny how quickly I was taken back to some of the feelings and emotions I was experiencing at the time. The homesickness, the joy of teaching, the thrill of singing in the streets, the wonderful people, all the incredible things that happened.

I was again realizing how thankful I am that I was able to go, but one thing bothered me. Why don't I have those same emotions here? Why isn't my life in Yakima viewed with that same intensity? Why don't I wake up every morning ready to share Gods love with someone new? Why don't I dwell on what my objective of the day will be? Shouldn't I be ready for all that God can do through me right here in Yakima? I think I am being used here, and I know that some of those things happen just because I am growing and learning through Him, but I want to be prepared to think of Yakima as my mission field. I want to wake up tomorrow ready to show God's love to Tre and Maggie. Ready to help them grow in their relationships with God. I want to love and serve the people around me. I want to truly be selfless. Ready to help at a moments notice. Ready to do whatever needs doing. I want to be a tool that is used, not one that just watches. I want to truly desire Gods will for my life. It is easy to say that I want His will to be done, but am I OK when something doesn't go the way I thought it would? Am I really ready to follow Christ at any cost? I want to be. I want to live a life in absolute submission to His will.

Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Ephesians 5:15-21

Forgiveness

I was sitting on my bed tonight contemplating the term/action of forgiveness. It is a word that is said quite often in our vocabulary, but perhaps one that should be acted upon more regularly. I can't even begin to tell you how many times I have said to Tre or Maggie, "you need to go apologize and ask for forgiveness." It is common for us to speak of the forgiveness we have received from Christ through His death on the cross. I John 1:9 "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness." Forgiveness. We need it. We can't live without it. And yet sometimes we assume we have received it, when in fact we have not asked for it. Or, we think we have forgiven someone who has wronged us, but time and time again we cannot stop it from clouding our perception of that person. I am guilty. I am the worst offender. I often forget to stomp down my pride and admit my wrongdoing. I regularly assume that my family will automatically forgive me, even when I don't ask. How prideful! How wrong of me!

That pride, that admitting of wrongdoing, is hard, even when it is just a confession to my God.

The real reason I was thinking of forgiveness tonight is because I hate how pride plays a roll in my forgiveness of others. I like to think that I am quick to forgive. I think most of the time that I am. But every once in a while I find myself remembering sins that people have committed against me. Why, if I have truly forgiven, do I continue to harbor the memory?

Somethings will never go away, some memories will never fade, but I need to make sure that I carry no bitterness or resentment. I need to always remember that no matter what was done to me, it did not happen by mistake. God is in control of everything that did, is, and will happen in my life. I don't deserve the forgiveness and grace I was granted through Jesus' death on the cross. So I need to remember that I need to grant forgiveness, and ask for forgiveness even when my sinful pride says that they don't deserve the same grace. It is a life long battle, but one I will fight.

Direction

If you know me at all, or have spent any length of time with me in the past few months, then you know that I've had quite the time deciding whether or not to go back to school. I wanted to, then I couldn't get the money, then the money came, and then I had to actually decide whether or not I felt like God was telling me to go back or not. It is a weird thing, waiting on the Lord. Trying to be patient, but feeling stressed. I didn't feel directed one way or the other. I got to a place where I knew that if God told me to go I could. I was ready. Ready to go and leave behind all things dear to me to embark on another adventure we call college. I knew that I would be able to leave my dear friend, Becky. My incredible kids. My youth group kids. My job. My family. My church. My church family. My small group. My apartment. Everything I love about Yakima. I got to a place where I would have been able to go. I was ready to go.
I thought I would go. I decided to go.
The agony that followed was unlike anything I have ever experienced. I couldn't sleep. I felt sick. Not physically sick, but just mentally bogged down, almost depressed. I didn't understand it though. I couldn't quite figure what was causing it. I was ready to leave. I was willing and excited to go. I started packing.
Something just wasn't right. I knew it. I wouldn't feel this way if I had made the right decision. The two days that followed were spent almost solely in prayer. I read my bible and prayed. I spent hours seeking, reading, and praying for help and guidance. I knew that I wanted to do the right thing, not just about school, but I want to be where God wants me.
So, I changed my mind. The peace that followed the decision to stay was more than enough confirmation. I actually feel excited.
So much good has come out of all that agony. I now just feel an ability to follow God, a new ability, one I haven't had before. I think I needed that thought process. To prove to myself that leaving Yakima wouldn't be as bad as I thought. To fully understand that no matter my circumstances God is in control. I think I understand that now.
Obeying God is far more important than any college class, or education. Being where He wants and needs me is more important then anything else. I want everyone to understand that staying in Yakima was almost harder then going back to college. I wanted so badly to go back and to prove that a.) I will go back to college, and b.) that I'm not just staying in Yakima because I'm stuck in a rut that wont allow me to leave.
I know this is where I'm needed. I don't want to be here forever, and I do want to finish my education, but for now I know that God wants me here. We'll see what happens in the coming year, but regardless I know I can trust that God will continue to take care of me.

An Exciting Weekend

Sorry it has been so long since I last posted. This will be my first post of the year 2009....how exciting! New Years was fantastic, as usual. I was at the Boothmans annual shindig. It was great fun to see my college friends. I was able to catch up and talk with many of them. We sang, and sang, and there is nothing more joyous then ringing in the new year surrounded by your favorite people.

Well, to start off the new year I drove to the Westside to see my good friend Katherine marry her beau JD. It was an incredibly beautiful wedding. It was awesome to be able to see so many people that I haven't really seen since I left WSU.

The drive over was a little crazy, but I'm glad I took the time to drive. I had to drive through Portland since the Pass was closed. It turned a 3 hr. drive into a 6 hr drive....but I didn't mind. I was able to stop in Vancouver and have coffee with my best bud, Alison. It also gave me a lot of time to pray, think, and yell at stupid drivers.(seriously people....just because there is snow on the side of the road doesn't mean you need to go 30mph under the speed limit)... Ok, Ok, I tried not to yell to often, but when you've been driving for as long as I had, the other drivers start to get on your nerves. It was a pleasant drive though. I had a really good time.

Here are a few pictures from the wedding.

I'm sad that this picture didn't turn out a little clearer....but you get the idea. The church looked beautiful.

These were my bible study girls.

Katherine and I

Katherine as she walked down the aisle.

Mr. and Mrs. Weitzel

Dreams of an Insomniac

Well, it's been months, many sleepless nights, endless pondering, some tears, lots of stress, and only one decision that needed to be made. I think I've made my decision. Think, being the key word in that sentence. I have felt torn between two things that are both good. It is not always easy to choose between right and wrong, but it is nearly impossible to choose between good and good. I've been trusting that God would show me the way, and though I don't know that I'm 100% decided, I do know that I feel that I'm being lead towards one of those paths. God has truly taken the burden of my decision, and I'm still trusting Him to shut that door if it isn't the one He wants me taking. I'm a little scared that some people will be disappointed, but if I know that I'm doing the right thing, then nothing else really matters. I feel like a very mean person for not posting here what my decision is, but until I know if I'm for sure going, or for sure staying I'm not going to tell. I'll post as soon as I'm sure(which knowing me, could be Jan. 7th. which is the day I have to be in Pullman if I'm going to return) :) Please continue to pray.

2008

2008

I can hardly believe that the year is almost over. Every year we seem to think that the current year has passed faster than the previous year, and yet time continues on as it always has. As I get older I appreciate more and more the time we have. Time to serve and glorify our Lord, time to serve and love one another.

This year has been one of much adventure, fun, growth, and learning.

Becky and I on our way to the store.....good times.

God again has blessed me with the presence of my incredible roommate Becky. She has been so patient and kind, such a willing friend, and the most encouraging person in my life. She has always been available to listen to me, even when we both know I'm not being logical. She puts up with my crazy adventures and ideas. I couldn't be more thankful for this incredible person that God has created. A child of His that I've had the opportunity to know.

Tre, Maggie and I

I was able to continue on in the most fun job I've ever had. Being a nanny is not only a great experience, it has given me the ability to get to know two very complex little beings. I love these kids, and I'm glad that God sent me to their family. What a gift.

I can't believe how much God has given to me this year. He has been very generous in his dealings with me. This definitely hasn't been the easiest year of my life, but God has shown me His presence in ways I had never noticed before. He has shown me areas of my life that needed to change, and then helped me to remove those idols. I've failed in ways I didn't know I could, but I always knew that God was showing me something through my sinful stupidity.

Getting Heidi ready

God allowed me to see my beautiful cousin Heidi marry an incredible, godly man. I'm so thankful and glad that I got to be a part of that.

Chelsea's car at the scene

God also took two of my favorite people to heaven this year. Through it all I have seen God work, and felt His presence in my life in ways I couldn't have expected. I've never felt more at peace then I do about Chelsea's death. I haven't questioned for one second God's control of all situations, including these. I'm so glad that God brought her into my life, and even though it feels like she had her life cut short it isn't true. She is in Heaven......I'll just have to wait a while to see her again. I definitely miss her.

My dear grandfather was an incredible man, who leaves behind him a legacy of godly children and grandchildren. I hope I can be remembered as he was. I'm so thankful that God placed me in his family, but even more thankful that I will see my grandfather again one day.

At my grandfathers funeral we each got to put a handful of dirt onto the casket.

In October I was able to go hunting with my dad, brothers and sisters. We had a wonderful time, and I got to see all kinds of incredible scenery. It was so much fun to be in the mountains and have time to be away from civilization and our normal routines. I'm so thankful for those two weeks.

Up hunting I got to see the sunset behind Mt. Rainier every night....It was incredible every time.

I had one of the most memorable summers of my life. I got to go and do things most people will never get the chance to do. It was awesome seeing God provide a way to Europe for me, and then being able to see His work being done in all of these countries. We were able to hear stories and be encouraged. I think I gained more then I left behind. What can I say? I do not deserve all that God has sent my way.

In front of Bojnice Castle in Slovakia.

Slovakia was a time of encouragement and fun. Being with the church family was one of the highlights of my summer.

I could not have asked for a better team. Our ability to work together and get along was uncanny. It was a gift from God that I got to spend time with these awesome brothers and sisters.

Maggie and I reading the twilight Saga.....we had way to much fun together.

God has also given me time with the kids in my youth group. Time to get to know them, and also allow them to know me. I have been told that spending time with middle school aged kids isn't easy, but I have found otherwise. I have realized this year what a gift it is to be with these kids. They are so impressionable, yet eager to learn and do what is right. They have taught me a lot, and challenged me in ways they couldn't even understand.

I was able to stay with a few different of these families while their parents were out of town. Maggie and I(picture above) found many ways to spend our 10 days together, but mostly we just had undescribable fun. I was blessed by getting to know those kids on a different level. I've also been able to host numerous girly sleep overs, and I've realized what a blessing it is to be single and living on my own. There is nothing stopping me from opening up my apartment to these kids.

Tre and I one morning with a beautiful sunrise.

I can't believe what a blessed life I have. Not only do we not deserve all that is provided for us, we don't deserve the sacrifice He made on our behalf by sending us His son. I pray that in 2009 I am able to glorify God with my life, and that I will continue to grow and change for His glory.

One of my favorite pictures of my brother Tim. This was taken opening morning of hunting season.

Thursday

I was driving to work this morning at 5:45 and saw the most incredible moon. It was nearly full and there was a thin layer of clouds illuminated by the bright reflection. I just sat in my car for 10 minutes and stared at it before I went into work. I am so thankful that I had that time just to appreciate God's creation and thank Him.

I know I haven't posted much lately. A lot has been going on with my grandfathers funeral, and I was house sitting for three different families over the Thanksgiving holiday. I was staying all last week with Maggie P, a girl from my youth group, while her parents were in Costa Rica. We had the most amazing time together, and I must admit that I miss hanging out with her this week. I'm thankful that my world is finally getting back to somewhat of a "normal" routine.

I have a few pictures I'll try to get up here soon. Nothing to exciting but pictures from this and that.